I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
