ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
