It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
