and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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