Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
