did you get engaged???
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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