I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
