i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
