He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
