When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
