The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize