Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize