i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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