Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
