now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we made out on top of his cat.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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