Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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