No stitches, just platelets and will power
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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