I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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