My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
