Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
