True but thats because hes a fetus.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
