I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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