I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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