Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
