my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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