so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
