No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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