i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
