I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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