suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
