I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
