giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize