Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
