jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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