i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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