Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
