Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I want a musical about memes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
