He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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