Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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