whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
