who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
