Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
