When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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