My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
