Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Mom said you looked used
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
