Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
don't judge my taste in strippers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
