I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
