I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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