I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
