Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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