Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
