Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
