Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
