tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
