i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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