Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
