My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
