Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have post one night stand depression
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
