how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
