I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
