i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
