omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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