Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
