Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
