I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
